My Wife Isn’t Who I Married

Kyle LitteralFatherhood JourneyLeave a Comment

I love my wife with everything that I have.  I’d be lying if I said she was the same person I married.  I’d being lying if I said things haven’t changed between us.  You see… my wife became a mom.  That doesn’t mean she is a mom during daytime hours and wife the rest of the time.  She is a mom full time.  Baby present or not, she is first and foremost a mom.

I have had my days where I have felt distanced or even left out.  I have had days where I was pretty sure she could handle all this without me.  Hell, I’ve even been in the room and been passed over without being noticed.  It took me a while to realize that these aren’t her issues.  They are mine.  I expected things to sort of stay the same.  I figured we would take care of the baby and once she is asleep our lives go back to normal.  It’s funny to me when I use the word normal.

Life is meant to change, and a baby is change.  When I think about wanting normal now, I realize how selfish I was being during those first few weeks.  Thinking I could just do things the way I always have without any cares.   My wife’s world has been flipped upside down since the day we found out she was pregnant.  Of course, I joined in and shopped and read articles and prepared myself as much as possible, but nothing like what she experienced.  I didn’t feel our daughter every day, I didn’t grow more and more attached every day.  All I saw was my wife’s belly growing and I knew my daughter was inside.  I was excited to meet her, but my wife already knew who she was.

She’d make little remarks here and there, such as “enjoy it while it last” or “sleep while you still can” and they never really phased me.  In my head she was just being coy or taking jabs at me.  It never clicked that she was already a mom and had already adjusted to it.  I still had a long way to go, and as a father still have a lot of catching up to do.  As fathers we can care for our wives during pregnancy, but we will never fully understand what that connection feels like.  We must form our bond our own way once our baby is born into the world.

You may feel like you don’t have a wife anymore and I promise you she is still there.  Do you want to know how to bring her back?  Well, you can’t.  She will never be the same after becoming a mom, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t still love you.  It means that her way of loving has changed.  It means she loves so much differently now that you can’t comprehend it.  Not yet anyway, but you’ll get there.  Form your own bond with your child, nothing will bring you closer together than that beautiful person you have created together.  Don’t think of your wife as the person she used to be, recognize her as the incredible person she has become.  You didn’t lose your wife, she changed to be better for your child, and better for you.  To say you are now sharing your wife with your child is the wrong way to look at it.  You as a team are sharing your lives with your child, and that is a wonderful thing.

I love my wife with everything that I have.  I love the woman she has become with everything that I have.  I love my daughter with everything that I have.  Those statements are all I need to keep my marriage strong as new parents.  They are all anyone needs.

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